Pyramid Schemes, Quarrelsome Wifes, & Keeping Secrets

August 28, 2024

Kyle: [00:00:00] Hey guys. Welcome back to another, uh, episode of the Briefcase in the Barn with me and Gary. This episode is sponsored by, um, I'm just gonna say my coaching company today. I. Okay. I thought you were gonna do the Aon, the,

Gary: the,

Kyle: yeah. I'm drinking Arbon tea, but I'm like, I'm not nearly as excited about Arbon tea as I am.

Is that the colon lubricant? I don't know, it just makes me feel better. You said it was for gut health or something? Uh, I'm not sure if the arbon tea exactly is for gut health. I know the other stuff is, but this tea just makes me not feel as sick as when I drink coffee. But if you like feeling good, I would recommend it.

But if you don't like feeling good, don't drink it. Isn't it a pyramid scheme? I don't know. I just enjoy the product. Okay. I'm not, I'm not saying had a business work. One of the topics

Gary: I wanted to talk about today was pyramid. I'm not saying go be

Kyle: a consultant. I'm saying I like enjoy the products. I don't know how the business set up doesn't bother me.

I like the products.

Gary: Anyways, that, sorry, I'm not taking, I'm [00:01:00] just, uh, I just wanted to talk about pyramid schemes and you're deflecting. Okay. What do you wanna say about pyramid scheme? Pyramid schemes? Um. Just see a lot of them lately, a lot of people selling their wares, pushing their wares and their family and friends, and it kind of, it kind of drives me crazy.

I mean, you're allowed to promote it. You're allowed to promote anything you want on your own pages. Doesn't matter how annoying or annoying or obnoxious people can unfollow you or whatever. What if had a,

Kyle: what if I only had a company name? Would it bother you less than is it that people are doing it personally?

Gary: No.

Kyle: Under the personal brands,

Gary: no. It's that people try to sell their family and friends products and, you know, they're, they're sold, aligned by somebody further up the food chain that's making a cutoff, them selling stuff. And, uh, they're typically, as a general rule, pretty expensive products. And most people can't afford them.

Most people are like struggling to pay their groceries. Yeah. And I just feel like. Just like you put your friends in a tough spot when you ask 'em for a loan. Like, you just don't wanna do that to your family and friends. Like, just, you know what, like you could, like I say, you can totally post that, Hey, you're selling this stuff and people will know you're selling it, but well, don't be pushy [00:02:00] about it.

People don't want to, well, people are pushy, man. People that are, they're taught to be pushy. Have you ever, have you ever been to one of those things? Like, my parents went to Amway conferences back in the day. Right? They had like, certain chance. Yeah. I hate, hate stuff. I hate it Anyways.

Kyle: Terrible. That's like, that's like terrible sales.

Gary: Yeah.

Kyle: That's what gives sales a bad name is those guys

Gary: I'm known to be pretty greasy myself. Right. Cattle dealer slash realtor. Those aren't the greatest reputations. God's working on you though. He's gonna be, yeah. Well. I'm gonna try to save my reputation. I'm not gonna do it by being on this podcast. I can assure you that that's, uh, it makes two of us,

Kyle: uh, um, nice coffee cup,

Gary: by the way.

What does it say on that front there? It says, coffee spelled backwards is EOC as I don't give EOC until I had my coffee.

Kyle: I got that from Smellier. He's the guy in

Gary: here. He is a realtor.

Kyle: Best looking realtor in town. Gary says he is the

Gary: best real looking realtor. He's got the IQ of a small farm animal, but we won't hold that against him.

It's, it's growing and maturity's growing. I think he actually one of [00:03:00] my favorite young guys. I'm joking and a good option if you're, and a good option. If you can't stand Gary Barge, it's probably. Good Halfie out there. I need a good realtor that will realtor. He's learning. He's a hustler. He's a hustler.

Yes, he's doing great. But back to the sponsor of the, it's actually one of the six listeners too, so it's pretty bad. If I just wiped out 12 or 13% of our, uh, it was seven of our pool was seven. The pool by be

Kyle: getting

Gary: smaller

Kyle: as we, as as we go along. I had

Gary: two people this weekend tell me the only reason they listen is 'cause they know me.

One was my sister-in-law. She's like, yeah, if I didn't know you, I wouldn't listen to that verbal diarrhea coming outta your mouth. But you know what? I kind of know the background. Just picking up nuggets that she can use as weapons at a family dinner. I don't know. Fair enough.

Kyle: Okay. What's her first topic?

We'll get to that sponsor is my coaching company. If you own a business. And you're enjoying that and you wanna be successful at that, but you're also a Christian and you care about your faith, your [00:04:00] family, free time, and doing those things of your life well as well. And you find that conflict happening. I can help you with that.

I've been there. Um, I would encourage you just gimme a call and I could probably make it a lot better through coaching. Uh, a lot of other guys do it. There's good testimonials out there from the guys that I've worked with. Um, I don't tell you do anything. I just listen to where you're at and I ask questions to help you get to where you want to go.

So it's not about my opinions, it's understanding where, what you want and where you want to go. So if you're interested in that, shoot me a message. I'd love to chat. That is my spiel. Okay.

Gary: What was the proverb of the day? Let's start with a proverb.

Kyle: Oh, it's, uh, this is a, this is golden.

Gary: This is, we're reading through Proverbs with our kids after supper right now. This was my proverb today. You have to interrupt him every other verse 'cause it's very relevant to our family life.

Kyle: Okay. This was the reading for August 18, the proverb for August 18.

It is better to live [00:05:00] alone in the desert than with a coral, some complaining wife.

What do we learn from that, Gary?

Gary: Married carefully, man. Married carefully. Very carefully. Yeah. Just like hiring people. Hire slowly. Fire quickly. Except in the case of marriage, you don't get to leave. So you don't get to leave. That's right. Yeah. Be paranoid. Yeah. Pick wisely. People do not realize how hard marriage is.

It gonna be hard. Yeah, it's awesome, but it's really hard. People say I'm a total Debbie downer for saying that, but I mean, you, as you know, my life story, I spent a lot of time working with people that, you know, you know, you've heard the saying you're better off, you know, not being married, wishing you were, than being married, wishing you weren't to that person.

Right? So, um, I just feel like if you have your people, your family, your family, and your closest friends, and the problem is, is that people. [00:06:00] Uh, people will be giving subtle hints to people that are dating, especially long dating. Like, you know, there might be some red flags and I'll see it. They're giving subtle hints, but at some point the friends, the close friends in particular will just give up, you know, being negative and critical because they're thinking, Hey.

At what point do I just want to be a good friend and be supportive? Am I not gonna go to a wedding? Yeah. 'cause they disagree with who the person's marrying. Um, so yeah, don't put your friends in that spot. Actually open up your ears at some point in the journey and say, Hey, like, do you think this person's gonna?

And if every last person is saying, yeah, they're, they're awesome. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably a pretty good sign, right? Yeah. If you have good friends, if you have crappy friends, well then you're really in deep trouble. So start with having good friends first before you go looking for a husband or a wife.

That'd be my advice. Well just

Kyle: take, take care of your own shit. If you take care of like your own stuff and be who you're supposed to be, you're gonna attract. Good people. It's,

Gary: it's

Kyle: just,

Gary: yeah.

Kyle: You attract kind of who you are.

Gary: Yeah. You don't wanna be with a quarrelsome wife? No. Yeah. My wife gets quarrelsome once a month and I can't stand it once a month only.

Yeah, only once a [00:07:00] month. Yeah. That's

Kyle: the nice thing about Nicole being pregnant right now.

Gary: Hey, if you can't make, now we're down. Two listeners, Julius and the missus of peace out can't take the verbal abuse. Uh, my wife is a saint. She's a very gracious lady. She very, I was gonna say very rarely is she edgy.

Kyle: I was gonna say about like the, the, the quarrelsome wife thing. I. If a lot of people do marry and afterwards realize like crap, like I should have thought this through better.

Should have thought this through better. But if you're in that spot, it can get better. Yeah. And the other thing is it

Gary: can work through like everybody's difficult to be married to. Yeah. Like we're all, that's the other thing that really upsets me, right? 'cause people right away when they get some, well man, people really, they get, uh, they get pissed off.

'cause they're thinking, Hey, this person's not who I thought they were. And they're frustrated and their needs are not being met. Well, like, welcome to marriage. Like, you know, the reality is, is that life is hard and, and you're gonna go through seasons where one person is not pulling their weight. [00:08:00] It's never 50 50 people.

You know, dating couples is a general rule. All their needs are being met by the other person. Right. So I, but if you both choose to work at it, sometimes only one person is, and sometimes I, that person might be you. And I think that's where people fail. Yeah. They think, well, like, you know, if we were just, I'm willing to do my part.

If the other person was, we'd be fine. Yeah, no. Like, sometimes it's just gonna be you pulling the, your own weight's. The, that's the only thing you can control. That is the only thing you control. And I mean, I think the Bible talks about, you know, even being married to people that aren't Christians and stuff, you know, like there's great examples of that and I know people in that spot and it's just, it's about being a witness no different than any other situation where you're turning the other cheek.

Right. And it's funny how we look at that in outside of the context of marriage where it's like, yeah, we should turn the other cheek. Or if someone wrongs us, you know, just, you know, be gracious. Well, we don't look at that in marriage. It's always, often there's a scorecard out. And, um, it's just really, it's just really hard.

But there's a beautiful thing, and I always love, like going to anniversary parties and stuff, people that have been married 30, 40, 50 years, I mean, and, and they're [00:09:00] honest people. They just tell you that the tough times. It's beautiful. Like, it's a great example of, of, you know, of our faith, right? It's just kinda like, Hey, the.

The fact of the innocent person being on the cross. Right. And that's, we're supposed to be, as men were called to be Christ-like. So yeah. If we were Christ-like, there probably would be a lot less quarrelsome women in the world. Right? Yeah. Um, that, that would be, uh, that would be my comment on that. But, uh,

Kyle: I, I know.

Um, what are you, like there's, there's the, um, sexual infidelity thing when it comes to marriages that breaks a lot of marriages apart, but there's also like physical abuse by a lot of men. That, like, that happens. How, how do, like if you get asked, how do you, like, what do you do, how do you support, um, someone that's in that situation

Gary: that like, doesn't wanna leave?

I mean, in all my years of leading Freedom session and hundreds of people now going through in the last, you know, eight, nine years, I, I've only one time experienced like real physical abuse that I know of. I mean, granted, a lot of times people are probably, although [00:10:00] I, I think I would've found out about it.

Um. I guess I'm not qualified to comment in the sense that I've, I've never been in that situation. I feel like, uh, at all times people need to be protected, right? And so I do feel like in our culture in general, people quickly say, I'm being abused. People like, no, that's just human being behavior. And you're difficult.

And they're difficult. And yes, you can't stand that behavior. Um, but like you said at the best earlier, like what can we control? Right? And that's kind of our, our calling in our marriage is to first work on our own stuff. And, and as a general rule, when people do that, typically, and I've seen it 'cause I've helped people move in and outta houses before, right?

Who, who.

Yeah, in is better. In is better, but out happens too. Right. You know, people need safe spaces. People need time. And I mean, I'm not a big fan of separation at all, even for a season. But sometimes it is needed. Right? And if there's a commitment that it is for a season, I'm not opposed to it. And I, it was good for

Kyle: us.

We, we, we, what we should have done was we shouldn't have [00:11:00] gone back together as quick as we did. We should have just stayed separated longer instead of doing it five times. But hindsight is 2020. It's not something you're really thinking about. You're like,

Gary: no. And you can't. You're barely surviving. You're barely surviving.

And people in that state are barely surviving. And while you're dealing with that, you still have every other regular challenge that you have in life with parenting and kids and Yeah. And financial stuff. So, and obviously separation is, adds a burden of financial stress, right? I mean, that is the beauty of being part of a church or something.

Right? Where you know, if people are involved, people are walking alongside you financially, they're gonna help, they're, you know, the church is probably gonna provide it. A rental space, at least for a season or counseling and stuff. So yeah, I just think that people as a general, when they come to me and they're struggling in their marriage, they always think that, oh, you have a way better spouse.

Well, I might have a better spouse, but I'm not easy to be married to, and my wife is a faithful wife, right? So I'm just thinking, hey, like I might be there. You, you, you understand? Right. So I think it, it, it just feels like people are very quick to lay blame and to not own it and um, [00:12:00] 'cause it's just easier.

It sucks. Right. So yeah. Anyways, that all stemmed from getting up on the roof. Dave Curry tells me we listening to the go be a

Kyle: fullback. Fullback apparently is a football position. Yeah. He's a big football guy goes, you're the fullback. And so you just like, make sure you take care of everything at home.

Like you just. You are the final call. Yeah. Just make, take good care of it. Yeah.

Gary: I heard a pastor one time, a couple things that have stuck with me one time. He, uh. Um, the pastor that I was listening to said, you know, even if it, it may not be your fault in any way, but it's always your responsibility as the man.

And so I think that a lot of times guys are just thinking, Hey, like, I, I didn't create this mess. Or, you know, a lot of times it's maybe the woman that's unfaithful or whatever and no, but it's still your responsibility and it's your job to pursue your wife, even if you're not feeling like it. And it's your job to make peace, which I mean, often I struggle with, I hate conflict.

I, you know, I had conflict in the last week and it was just kind of like wanting to be a big baby and, and hide, like, no, like just blowing up and. [00:13:00] She just ran after me. Right. Just, oh, set me straight. Smart lady. Yeah, she's a great lady. But anyways, it was kind of like, you know, men, men tend to be in our culture, tend to be babies, right?

And we tend to, you know, yes, I would agree with that. We are, uh, we're the heroes in the video games or some other weird, you know, you know, whatever the escape route is, you know. Hockey pools or whatever, but it's like, you know, get in the real, get in the trenches and get, get your hands dirty and actually be willing to get in messy stuff.

Right. Yeah. That's what I would call people to do.

Kyle: No, that's how that, I mean, they do it in their business. They're, they're willing to like do super hard things and like do super complicated projects. Yeah. And like, but when it comes to the emotional connection, it's like whoa. Yeah. But it's just hard work.

Yeah. It's just both are hard work. Yeah. Like, it's not like, it's not like it's hard,

Gary: not hard work. Like Yeah. I do think that the bulk of. Guys, especially in our culture, but just in general, men are in our society, are not taught to do intimacy. Well, they're not taught to No. They're told to shut up. Yeah.

They're either told to shut up or they're just, they're taught that to be silent is to be strong. And it's like, no, like [00:14:00] you can engage in Yeah. I think there's a beautiful thing when people, people can be vulnerable. Right. And uh, it's really cool when guys can be in, so, yeah. Okay.

Kyle: Um. That's that topic. How did that Okay.

Okay. Patience. Oh no. It was, we were going on the, uh, proverb. That's where we were doing, that's where we were going from

Gary: the proverb.

Kyle: Okay. That was

Gary: your proverb over the week. The fruit of the spirit is patience. Yeah.

You patient with your kids? No, no. I had a talk with my son about it yesterday. Had a hard heart with him about it. Uh, apologized to my, one of my daughters last night when I talked her in for being impatient and becoming very angry. Um, but no, I'm not a patient person. Good things come to those who wait, but also the early bird gets the worm.

So I don't know. I mean, there's a, for everything I do, I

Kyle: have this with Malachi asking for feedback, like, how's it [00:15:00] going in our, like, relationship? And he's like seven now. So I'm like, you think, think we're having fun? You think there's like things between us that we need to talk about? And, and he is like, uh.

I think lately you're not really being patient anymore. Were you ever being really patient means you were being patient, obviously. I guess I've done like better than you were. Yeah. And I was like, okay, that's good feedback. I appreciate that. Thank you. And he is like, you're welcome. So yeah, clearly something.

What does the

Gary: word patient mean to you?

Kyle: Um, I think going above what's. Normal, like being gracious beyond what's like the standard. So like when you, you're extra patient with your kids, like you just like, they still don't get it after the fifth time of, I dunno, pulling a chair in or at the sub table or something like small.

Mm-hmm. Bigger, whatever else like that. And they [00:16:00] left the hockey sticks outside again or whatever. Just something like simple and just teaching 'em again. It's interesting. I thought of the word, uh, um, discipline and someone said it came from the word disciple. So you're discipling your kids. Disciplining is like discipling your kids.

And so you're like, and teaching 'em, they don't know yet, they don't know life yet. And instead of thinking of it as like punishing them as like to get in line. Um, so I think it's thinking of it more that way. Hmm.

Gary: You

Kyle: agree?

Gary: Yeah. I guess I, I struggle with, I feel like in my, with my personality, I have no actual concept of what the word patient. Means, you know, they do those tests on those kids, little kids where they like, they say, Hey, you can have one candy now, or if you wait five minutes, I'll give you two. You know, do you wanna wait five minutes or just take the one candy now?

And every kid takes the one candy, or most do anyways. I mean, it's probably the odd kid [00:17:00] and I'm always been the one candy now kid. And uh, yeah, I just feel like there's. Even in business, I've, I think I've mentioned this before on here, I've, I've really probably lost a lot of money 'cause I couldn't just wait a little bit.

Oh yeah. I was too impulsive and too paranoid and just like, no, you know what, things just take time and Yeah. Um, especially in business actually, the compounding effect takes is always happening. So it's like if you can just be patient. Yeah. Well, and plus inflation is taking, eroding your money so well, when you're being impatient, you're not trusting God.

You're taking things into your own hands. Yeah. And that, so that's really where it stems from. It stems from this deep. Sense of ha having to control things myself. And uh, yeah. And I feel like even now I'm in a season of working on a few different deals and it's just like you pray about him. Do you like, talk to God about him and, and not enough?

I do a bit, but not enough. And not, yeah. Probably just not enough actual talk. Prayer about it. Serious prayer. I, I pray, you know, I've prayed for wisdom and I've, you know, but I mean, like, am I really vague? Well, am I really willing to let it go if it's not meant to be? And [00:18:00] um, I've had a few closed doors recently and.

But it's tough because sometimes, you know, in life here we'll be working. I've had things where I had to work on and it's like, oh, the door closes. Well, it means you're supposed to work harder. Like, you know, it doesn't necessarily mean just 'cause something doesn't work out that, hey, that wasn't meant to be, it was maybe a detour.

Yeah, maybe it was just to teach patients. Yeah. So I think that that can really vary depending on, on the situation. Right. Yeah. And, uh. I, I, those are things I struggle with. My personality, it's always been to try harder and to push things through and yeah. So for me, just to be able to let things go and be okay.

And I have felt the deep sense in the last, like, since we sold our farm in Greendale in 2020, like we had adopted three kids in, in that year or whatever, that they, they were all became foster kids at that season. It took two and a half years to adopt them, but we went from having two kids back to having five kids.

Um, and then even in the last year, we've had another kids, we have six. And it's like, I feel. And they're 10 and under. And I've just felt like, personally I've known, I've had a real sense of peace of not having a lot going on. Like the level that we did where we were on a farm and you know, I was out in the [00:19:00] barn a couple times a today, just like, no, we were meant to be in this season where we were living on a smaller place and we had a bit of financial, more financial freedom than we did before and just not be as pressured.

'cause I would always use the crushing weight of debt to justify working more. And the next deal. And so, I mean, I still do that now, obviously way too much, but it's definitely, it's been a healthy season.

Kyle: Yeah.

Gary: Um, so yeah, I always wrestle with those things. Right. Uh, well, yet, I mean, and this is the part where I've asked other entrepreneurs and, and you had Bill Booster on a while ago.

He is one of the guys that I've met before and asked him, it's like, oh, am I supposed to just sell every business I own and like go into some type of ministry or something? Like, he's like, no, like you're just, you do it. You, no, I think Christian business owners are super important.

Kyle: And, and like doing it well, yeah.

Gary: he

Kyle: explained it really well. Yeah. I, it makes me think of this quote though. I read it today. I reposted it. I don't have time equals It's not a priority. You literally allocate your time to bigger priorities. That it's the reality. What you're doing is your priority [00:20:00] is what, what your priority is. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Gary: Marie and I always struggle with that. Why? Uh, just 'cause it would be, it'd be things that she didn't think we have time for, I don't think, you know, and it's like exactly that. Like there is always enough time in a day if we say there isn't. You know, one of the things Ken Dick says in Freedom Sessions, it's like if you say there's not enough time in the day, you're basically blaming God saying he didn't give us enough hours in the day.

No, he gave us 24 hours and he gives us the time to sleep and to do what we're supposed to do. And. It's the allocation piece that we're struggling with and what does he actually want us to do? Right. Yeah. So, um, yeah, it'd be interesting to see if we knew in hindsight or if we could see his vision for our lives and how bad we were spending our time or what we're, I mean, you and I know it's not supposed to be on social media.

We know that there's a lot of

Kyle: Yeah, I think it's just like, just still priorities. It's like what you want. I think it's coming to the, like, sometimes you have to realize what you want is not good. Like, sometimes you just want work more than your family. Yeah. And like, that's just the fact of what [00:21:00] you, that's the camp I fall into.

That's just what you, and if that, if you're in that spot, I think that's like, well there's, I have tons of desires I shouldn't have either, like mm-hmm. Um, like God changed my heart. I think that's just like what we should be asking for. 'cause we can't do it ourselves. Like that's like, that's what I love about Christianity.

Like why am I like into this stuff? It's because it's, it's, I can, the weight's not on me. Like it's not about my performance or how I'm showing up or what I'm doing. It's like I can trust God that he's working in me to turn me who into who I'm supposed to be. I'm trying to be faithful, try to be open to other guys, try to like, not, don't have secrets, that kind of thing.

Um. Otherwise, how many people do you think have secrets? Uh, 99.99. Yeah, I mean, think about this. Nicole talked to, um, someone said this to me the other day. I think it's like nine outta 10 guys. I. Look at porn once a month, you

Gary: think? So

Kyle: that, those are the, I think the stats, I, I [00:22:00] should go get actual stats somewhere.

I think

Gary: you should put a poll on your on, not, can you do an anonymous poll on your Instagram page? Guys are, won't be honest there either.

Kyle: Not

Gary: even if it's

Kyle: anonymous or it can't be anonymous. I can, I'm sure it could be anonymous. I could figure something out, but I don't, I don't, I mean, I guess I could try it.

Yeah, do it Paul. But let's say I'm always let's, it's like, let's go in the low end. Let's say it's seven outta 10 because it's 10 guys in your family. Only three guys aren't looking at porn. And there's no way that's being talked about in your family, and there's no way that those guys are talking to someone about it and stuff like that.

And some of 'em are probably totally, A lot of people are actually okay with porn, but that's a whole nother subject if you're,

Gary: yeah. I guess the bulk of the people in our circles that are going to church are thinking, Hey, it's really bad, but we're never gonna talk about it. Right. Yeah. Which makes no sense to me.

I do not understand that. Yeah. It's such a prevalent thing and it's such a, it's such a. Well because of the shame, then it becomes such a downward spiral in your own head, right? I mean, yeah, I just remember sit sitting in church feeling like such a fraud and such a piece of crap and like just thinking, oh man, I gotta beat this.

Right? And [00:23:00] so it's only, and the devil loves that. It's only when things come into the light that they're actually, uh, that they can be.

Kyle: Well, I mean, I think that's the gift I got through, like, my whole thing and, and like cheating on Nicole is, um, it forced me. To deal with my crap. Like Nicole said to me one year, she goes, she said, we will never stay, ma uh, we will never stay married if you don't deal with the crap in your childhood.

Oh, that makes sense. And so she's like, pick your heart.

Gary: That's what I love it saying, pick your heart. Yeah. So it'll be, uh, I mean, more will be revealed. I do feel like. In some areas, like for example, in the world I'm living in, there is a lot of honesty about it, right? And I mean, anytime I meet someone, like, you know, I had young people come over that were becoming ministry partners at our church or whatever, and it's like, I just ask point blank, right?

It's like, or if they're dating, I ask how they're doing or you know, and there again, like, I don't expect perfection or whatever. Like, I mean, we're a human being tour, but it's just like, it's just a beautiful thing when [00:24:00] somebody can ask you and actually care and say, hey, like, and not because, but like of box checking, but, but also if you're talking to someone about it,

Kyle: it, it just gets so much easier.

Yeah, like when it's, it's when you try to do shit alone that it just doesn't work. Yeah. Like if, and there's people that will want to help you. Like a hundred percent if you want it. Yeah. A lot of people just don't want it. It's just too easy to keep going with their, what's going on now? No, there's no pressure.

Right. And there's no pressure on someone and it's just like it's secret. They can just hold and it's not really like causing problems 'cause they're not being open about it or whatever.

Gary: It was interesting for me, I don't know if I shared this in the first episode where I shared a bit of my story, but like I was basically, you know.

In that trajectory of doing all the wrong things, watching the wrong things, you know, fighting it, going for periods of time, you know, feeling real good about myself. Once again, it's all about me, right? Just trying to do the right thing. And uh, all of a sudden, you know, I meet, you know, Brock and he says to me, he was the youth pastor at the church I was at at the time, and good buddy of mine, great guy.

And he just said like, you know, I kept saying, oh, I'd like to have a wife. I'd like to have a wife. It's like, well, like, what kind of wife do you want? Well, you want a [00:25:00] godly wife, a good lady, right? It's like, well. Look at your private life. Like, how's your pri Well, no, it doesn't look that great. Well, like, what do you expect?

Like God's saving her and saving you, so like get your crap together. Right? Yeah. You know? So, and, and it was through that process like you're talking about where it's just like, and like you've said many times, do it for yourself. Like, don't do it for your marriage, don't do it for your future spouse. Yeah.

Life's better on the other side. Well, yeah. Like, it's like, what does God call us to Right. Calls us to purity. Right? And what does that look like? And, and the thing is, in our culture, and here again, I mean it's, it's not. Popular opinion, but like people justify all kinds of gray area, right? And it's just like how people dress and how people, the things people watch.

And while it's just, it's the show that I watch and it's my show, and it's like, no, like, like what are you filling your head with, right? And yeah, it's a monster. Like it's a dragon. If you feed it, it's, at least that's been, it grows my experience with guys. It's like, yes, you know, have a, have a tender conscience.

Like a tender conscience is a beautiful thing, right? And so, yeah, that's, I think even, and it's women too, but obviously [00:26:00] we're, and I think it's also like

Kyle: people are, get really discouraged how, um, uh, that they can't get over it, you know? Yeah. But many people do, but many people don, that's what was gonna say.

Many people do. That's when it, I was gonna say that. It's like you can, it's like just if you put your mind to it and you really want it, and you take the right steps, like I, I can give you the, the six steps, and if you follow 'em, you'll be free. Like. You just gotta work. Yeah. Don't be up. Yeah.

Gary: And lots of people are beep.

I think that is the, I think that's the, the encouraging word of the day is that there are, if you're happen to be listening to this and you're stuck in a bad cycle, you can become fully free from, from the addiction. Yes. It's a beautiful thing.

Kyle: Yes. Okay. That's it for today. We are gonna go into overtime and answer a whole bunch of listener questions that I got.

We got questions from Steve. Can we answer one question

Gary: before overtime?

Kyle: Okay.

Gary: Let's wrap up with a final question.

Kyle: Okay. Uh, which one I'm gonna pick here.

Gary: Well, you give people a sense of what overtime's [00:27:00] about, right? Sometimes it gets a little outta hand.

Kyle: Um,

oh, I got feedback from rhe that the camera settings aren't good. To what extent do we as Christians need to multiply? Do we leave it up to God to give us, uh, as many children as we are willing to let him? That's a doozy. Um, no, I never know how to ask question. Use your brain question. Use, use your brain.

Like if it's like, you think so? Oh yeah. You have to use a brain for everything else. It's like, just go, like, I fully trust you in this area, and so I'm not even gonna think about it and just see what happens. I.

We plan our businesses, we plan our, yeah, but schedule, plan everything way more

Gary: than we're supposed to else. I think we're supposed to trust a lot more. Fair, fair enough. But like, that's a little rich coming from me 'cause shooting

Kyle: blanks. But I mean, if it's, I mean, I, I should be careful what I say here. Um,

Gary: don't you think that, [00:28:00] don't you think that people try to control their lives too much in that area

Kyle: as

Gary: well?

Kyle: Yes. Well, I, I think people don't see the value in kids. And, and how much joy they give you. And like, like how much like long-term joy as well. Like it's, it's good to have a full family, that basic Dave Curry's family, like he was brought up Well and I think he led his home well and I, and I think you see it now in his family.

I'm sure they have their things. Um, but like did he have a lot of kids? Yeah, they five kids I think. Okay. Is that a lot? I would say it's a lot of kids. Okay. But I wouldn't say that, like, I think they couldn't have done that if they had like a seven or eight or nine kids. You can't give that many kids good attention and like, love them well, and, and take care of them.

Like, like I think you can have two kids and not pay attention to your kids at all. Oh. I mean, that happens probably more often than not. Yeah. 'cause that's how many kids. Parents usually have is they neglect their kids and And don't take care of 'em. And don't value them. Yeah. And

Gary: yeah. Then you're

Kyle: just, or

Gary: just like you and I were, it's just like so many things are competing for our time and we're distracted and even when we're at home, we're on our device or we're [00:29:00] watching something.

Yeah. I don't know, but that, I hear what you're saying. I think that's separate though. Lot of attention, but

Kyle: I think that's separate though from like how many, if you just like, don't think about how many kids you should have, you should. Not parents, not taking care of their kids or valuing them or like valu and

Gary: people to be fair, wanna financially.

I mean, now I'm gonna flip to the other side real fence that are here, but I, people do, people do have a lot of children sometimes and probably have them a little quickly, like, and I'm talking a lot of kids and then do have some real struggles because of it now is, I mean, it could be a myriad of other problems.

I don't know. I mostly struggle with the fact that if that was my biggest

Kyle: mistake I've made in my life, like, like having, let's say I had way too many kids or something like that, and I shouldn't have like. I'd be like, I'm pretty happy with

Gary: that. If that was my biggest mistake. I always felt, yeah, I probably shouldn't have an opinion on it, but of course I do.

'cause I have an opinion on everything. I, I really struggle with people that like, oh, we're gonna, you know, save up this amount of money and you know, we're gonna do this first and we're gonna do this. And it's like, well now you can't have children. Marie and I are an example of that and doing fertility treatments and [00:30:00] Is that what you did?

You guys chose not to have kids for a long time and then Well for a season. Right. And it's just like, you know. Like Marie was really, really young. Right. And just, you know, she could hardly handle being married to me, let alone having my children. It's like, okay, this guy's a whack job. Right? Yeah. To adjust to that, going from basically, you know, just graduated very quickly to being married.

I just feel like I see it all the time and I just think people are, I. Like if we are, you know, we believe God's sovereign and we kind of, and we do, and it's like, Hey, we think that he has the best plans for us there again, you're not, you're right. Like we do make a lot of plans and we, we think about, you still gotta use your brain.

I just feel like that's an area where people really like to control their life, right? We like to control everything. We like to control our jobs and our careers and our families and, you know, and you just see it, you, you see in your life, right? Like, you know, with your daughter, it's just like, okay, that you had a plan.

Outta your control. Right. So I feel like that's an area where a lot of Christians seem to all of a sudden veer back into, Hey, no, I'm in control of this one. Right. And we're just not. So, yeah, I

Kyle: guess you have to ask yourself why [00:31:00] you're doing it. Why? If you want only want to have one, if you only want to have 10, like why?

Gary: Why? What's your reasoning? Yeah. Why are you having 10? Yeah. Or are you just never, ever thinking about controlling the situation? Yeah. And however many you have as you have. Yeah. But

Kyle: then are you also, I would argue then trusting God that same way in all the other areas of your life? Or if you're just like, cherrypicking that one, then I'm like, you're kind of a fraud

Gary: because that doesn't work.

Yeah. This is the one area that we really are gonna say, Hey, we're not gonna have any interference here. Exactly. Everywhere, but you're interfering everywhere else. That's fair comment. It doesn't make

Kyle: Okay off to overtime. Okay. If you wanna go on overtime and watch the rest of these questions being answered.

Go to patreon.com/furious. Curious that, do you put a link in there or not at this point? The show link, and if you're watching this on YouTube, you can, there's a link in the description. Okay. But people can spell that out. And, uh, go there five bucks. Watch the rest of the episodes, help us create more cool content.

I actually have a super [00:32:00] good, um, series, uh, for the hitchhikers that we're, we can do, but I'll talk about that in over time. Hey guys, thanks for listening to another episode of the Briefcase in the Barn. Hope you enjoyed it. If you wanna listen to some overtime clips, uh, I'm, I'll play a few right now and you can kind of get an idea of, uh, what overtime's all about.

And if you, uh, wanna watch those, you can go to patreon.com/furiously curious and enjoy those. So, uh, this is what you would get with that. Take a look. This is to all the wonderful people, uh, are giving us $5. I'll tell one of my favorite prank stories I did at my dad and my mom told my dad that I had drugs in my room and we

Gary: went and bought a pet rat and went into the ladies' bathroom, snuck in there, got in the stall.

And they don't even charge you for the extra cup? No, because they just feel sorry for you. 'cause they think you're so broke. Right. There's any way we can create more value for those people that are paying, but when you start paying, yeah. You deserve quality.

Kyle: Okay. If

Gary: you

Kyle: enjoyed those again. Uh, patreon.com/furiously curious.

Uh, five bucks a month. Um, and, uh, we started these in episode four already, so you can go back and watch all the [00:33:00] different overtime episodes if you're interested in that. Otherwise, uh, thanks for watching. Uh, please like, uh, the videos subscribe to the channel. Uh, rate the show on, uh, different. Um, podcast apps, so that you can do that on, goes a long way.

Leave a comment on social media. Um, um, send some feedback, uh, via the website, furious curious.co. Um, in the contact form there. Also, if you have questions or things top you think we should talk about, uh, for free to shoot me a message there. Um, that's gonna be an, you can send messages anonymously if you want.

So hope you enjoyed it and I'll uh, see you guys in the next one.

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