Marriage, Real Estate, and Culture

August 21, 2024

Final Ep 5

Kyle: [00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of the Briefcase in the Barn with Gary and I, uh, lockbox is not the sponsor, but we're gonna do the lockbox with a. Length of this episode. Are you putting yours in too? No. Just yours. Just me. You don't have a problem with your phone? I don't. I don't have a problem with this.

You don't have a

Gary: problem with your phone? Half hour. Okay guys.

Kyle: Get

Gary: one of these lock

Kyle: boxes and actually use it. My wife

Gary: won't allow it to be on the counter, so mine doesn't get used as much as I should. It's still my fault. Not throw my wife under the bus, but

Kyle: kind of her. Okay, locked up. Anyways, today's sponsor is Beekman Auctions.

Gary

Gary: Beekman Auctions. We're having a fall auction coming up in about 60 days. And, uh. Probably not the real target on this podcast, but if you are somebody, I mean, we take pretty much anything. Uh, commissions are pretty horrible on the small stuff, so try bring something of value. You really get punished if you bring small stuff in, but still, it's a great way to get rid of stuff.

Most people, a lot of people are gonna like bring it to scrap or bring [00:01:00] it to the dump. They bring it to us. We charge a lot fee. So a lot fee keeps, you know. Does that make sense to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways, uh, but no Beekman Auctions. Great way to sell stuff. A lot of fun. We'll have a big, uh, we always have a big dinner, free dinner for the whole community.

The auction's on August, October 17, and the dinner will be on the Wednesday night at Heritage Park. And Chillax, uh, yeah. Bring your family, friends, free food, bouncing castles for the kids. What's that? Eight weeks away? Yeah, roughly time. It goes quick though. In this season now we come into fall and. We'll talk about it again though,

Kyle: as it comes closer.

Gary: Yeah, we'll talk about it again. But anyways, we're taking consignments now. You can go to beekman auctions.com and uh, and uh, yeah, there you go. Sign up. How was your week? It's been good. I'm in, uh, I mean, we're recording this, uh, on a different day than we normally do, but I, uh, import cows outta the US and, uh, I've been waiting for paperwork.

There's, uh, the bird flu right now. Hmm. And it's in cows. Oh, uh, I [00:02:00] forget the correct term for it, but anyways, we're testing. We have to test the milk, and it's a real pain to bring animals across. It's always a pain now it's really a, a pain and so the timing is very tight and it's quite stressful as you can imagine.

You're dealing with like three different government agencies, one here, a couple in the US and uh, so yeah, sounds like the cows are good to go across. So be doing that this afternoon. Busy week. I mean, we, we haven't, I was,

Kyle: I was gone, so I did some real estate.

Gary: Did you

Kyle: sell

Gary: some

Kyle: houses?

Gary: Yeah, sold some houses.

Got another listing going live today on Stevenson. Uh, or yesterday, sorry. So, nice place too big lot under 900 grand in Sardis. So I think it's priced pretty well.

Kyle: Uh, how was part of this talk, talk about that. 'cause I, there are people listen to, uh, all over the states as well. Uh, just like, yeah. Describe the property, the size of the property, size of the house and that the and, and the, the price

Gary: point.

I mean, it's a quarter acre. It's not a lot of square footage, but it is four bedrooms. It's 1,750 square foot home, a nice, decent layout. [00:03:00] 1,750. Yeah, which is relatively small for Chillowak. I would say that, you know, detached homes tend, tend to be larger than that, you know? Obviously it really varies, but like in your standard home and a lot in town would be bigger than that as a general rule.

Uh, but it's a good use of space. And a 10,000 square foot lot is a huge lot. That's a quarter acre. It's on a corner, which is part of the reason that is a big lot. Um, and the real estate market is such that there's not a lot of movement right now. Like there's not a lot of sales, but if it's priced right, it sells right away.

And so, uh. You're listening to this and you have a place listed, and it's not selling. It's either not showing well or it's not priced right, I would say because there are, there's still lots of people that wanna buy and uh, so that's

Kyle: selling for how much? 900.

Gary: 900. Goodness. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of money.

It's a lot of money. And, uh, I. You know? Yeah, I, I've always been a bit bearish since we've gone to these stupid valuations. I, if you look at the course of time, the last 30 years, let's say, housing is always kind of three to five [00:04:00] times average income in a country, and Canada's I. I think it's almost double that,

Kyle: especially in like the, the, the, in the popular populated areas.

If you go to the

Gary: rural areas, GTA or, or Vancouver, Chilla, kind of this area. Yeah. But even up country, you know, we were just in Summerland this past weekend. My wife and I on a little holiday, went and looked at some homes and stuff and, uh, just absurd to think that, you know, a detached home is, you know, near the water selling for 1.8 million or 2 million.

Like, who's buying that? Right? Who is buying it? Uh, not very many people. 'cause she said that in that price point, 'cause we looked at a place on the water. 'cause we used to own a place in the water, a condo, and we were looking for something bigger. But this is way, uh, more than, uh, is obviously affordable for us.

But it was basically, you know, she said there was four sales in that area in the last two years in that price point. So.

Kyle: Oh, okay.

Gary: It's, it's, it's tough sell, right? Tough sell. Yeah. Who is buying that now? The interesting thing is in hard times the rich get richer. Right. Some rich people probably lose all their wealth, but there's a swath of people [00:05:00] that have been prudent.

Kyle: Yeah. I mean, uh, it, it, it's hyper frustrates me like, like with the government spending the way they do and, and all the programs they have that it kills. Especially,

Gary: it feels

Kyle: like that was

Gary: a Freudian slip. When you say hyper frustrate 'cause it could lead to hyperinflation, which would very problematic. But like the single moms,

Kyle: yeah.

They get punished. They get punished, punished, all people, patients punished, goes way up. Your groceries go way up. Mm-hmm. You don't have any equity that grows. No. And you just like grind, crush. Like that's what I feel for the most. Like, it's just terrible.

Gary: Yeah. And the irony is, is that the governments basically say, and we'll help you by printing more money and giving more money away to those people not understanding that.

The reality is we just have to have some probably hard times, which are coming. I talked to, uh, business owners in the last week furniture store, another agricultural business, tough slugging. Tough luck, unfortunately. So Cool. And you went golfing in, in your, on Instagram. You went golfing? Yes. Yesterday, yep.

S Maniacs golf tournament. S Zach,

Kyle: what's that?

Gary: Uh, it's for [00:06:00] autism, for an autism, uh, fundraiser, uh, for an organization that's, uh, run by an agricultural family. And it's been going for 16 years. Uh, we have a son that's diagnosed with autism and probably have a few more kids that, that may. So, um, yeah. It was fun.

Took all the guys that work with me out there. They love, they, they had a good day. Nice and uh, lots of good food and drinks on the course and, uh, big dinner afterwards. So

Kyle: long day golf tournaments could be rough sometimes, like they take slog at six hours. I was not allowed

Gary: to mention it to my wife, which is totally fair.

I was not allowed to whine a bow. How long? But it was a 12 hour day. We left home at eight 30 and we got home at, well, it was after nine. It was dark when I got home. Where was it? In Cook Wetland. Okay. Yeah. We started golfing at 11 and golf ended at five. Or after five. It was over six hours ago. No, 5 30, 6 and a half hours of golf sanctifying process.

Yeah. And we ran into some bears on the course with their cubs. And, uh, I was, uh, pretty scared. So my, so, uh, the [00:07:00] guys who were with me were really making fun of me. Well, they were like driving towards it. I'm like, it's a bear in her cub. Like, it just doesn't feel wise. Like,

Kyle: it doesn't feel wise. No. I mean, I can see myself doing that and it still not being wise.

So I had a good week. I went to right up as landing, came back yesterday. Uh, my phone was locked up the whole time. That was interesting, but was it, how did that feel? Uh, I was kind of outta my element, or what I mean by that is outta my, like, regular environment. So it's already different, so it doesn't, you don't have as many tendencies to like maybe grab it or go to it as you would, as if you're like at home, sitting on the couch at night, whatever.

Like there, there's always things to do. So it wasn't too bad that way, but I could definitely, like, that was my birthday too, our anniversary and it was just like completely unplugged and it was, I think it was good. Um, but I. It's not like it's fun not having your phones. It's like you want to grab it once in a while and check a messages, check your email, whatever.

Gary: Pretty felt pretty connected to your boys, then to your wife or,

Kyle: well, they, [00:08:00] Malachi like super high energy. Uh, they have activities for the boys, for the kids in the morning and the evening and, and there's tons of things to do. So I actually barely seen 'em. This what he keeps just tearing around the island.

Okay. Just having a riot. Yeah. And, uh, Peter A. Little

Gary: bit more stuck with you? A bit. He's a bit scared Or just a little more, and then a

Kyle: pastor and a couple came in. Uh. A guy pastor was from the uk. He grew up, uh, um, in the schemes like, uh, kind of like, uh, housing projects. Mm-hmm. Um, really poor, um, ran away from home when he was 14.

Uh, pretty badly abused. Had no Christian upbringing, nothing. But he became a Christian. And, uh, now he does that, started a church plant in, uh, Liverpool. Um, I'm actually gonna go see if I can go see him next week and interview him in person. Wild story. Uh, but now he's part of the Church of England, but he's quite like, um, I would say biblical or conservative.

And, but he's still part of the Church of England, so he has that like is

Gary: biblical synonymous as conservative?

Kyle: No. [00:09:00] Uh, conservative, I would say, like in the Christian circles. I know, I know what you're trying to do. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just being a shithead. Yeah. Sorry. Um, yeah. But yeah, it was, it was, it was interesting.

I mean, it was different last year 'cause that last year was like the, the foot washing thing. Remember at Barnabas Landing? So that was, that was, uh,

Gary: would you recommend foot washing? Christians should wash each other's feet?

Kyle: No, it's gross. No, I, I'll, I'll just, oh, you think it's pretty special? Yeah. Okay. I'll tell the story 'cause uh, yeah.

So back, uh, I think this was in 2021 when Nicole and I separated the first time I went and found places to, to look for, to, to live. And I found a place on, uh, Promontory, just a basement suite. And the guy I, um, that was had the place for sale was Dan Wolf. Um, and, uh. Just told him the situation I was in, whatever.

And, and, um, he didn't need any reference checks. He rightly said that you can have a place. Wow. Him and his wife were just super, um, good to me and understanding. And so I was there for a couple months and then I moved [00:10:00] back home and, uh, so we had him over for dinner a couple months later, Nicole and I, and, uh, just blessed by them, but then he kind of really just started mentoring me.

So I, I met with him once a week and he really helped me with all the crap we was go going through. It was like. Um, the addict addiction stuff or just like, um, being the husband I was supposed to be, being the dad, I was supposed to be being honest, just helping me get over my stuff and, and it was kind of the first guy I ever really trusted.

Um, and just met with on a weekly basis and he really pushed me. I'm a pretty hardheaded guy, and so he was like, he wasn't soft and he just like really drove me. And so it made a huge impact on my life and was super blessed, um, by him. Um, Nicole and I actually started like taking turns staying at their house over weekends just to have breaks as you know, the stuff was going on and, and, uh, we're just blessed by that.

And so, um, just awesome guy, but about a year in. Of doing that. The relationship abruptly broke off super hard. Um, [00:11:00] and he, he, I don't know exact exactly why, but, um, probably doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't really matter. So it was completely cut off, but I was super hurt by that because it was the first guy I ever trusted and I just was like, like just let down, taken aback.

And so I tried to call him, get ahold of him many times and just nothing, radio silence. And, um, I did end up one time getting ahold of him and, and he just. I think he had said something about me being manipulative or something along those lines, and I blew up on him. And then it was just done, whatever.

Okay. But he, his family had been gonna Barnabas landing for a, a long time and really enjoyed it. And he told us about it one time, so. Well, that's

Gary: how you started going. Yeah. Through them, to them. So he told

Kyle: me about it. So I just signed up last year to go and I didn't really think about Dan anymore. And so it was 12 weeks, you know, like 12 different weeks people can go and stuff like that.

So we, we go, went with her friends, Jason Amy Bremmer from um, Alberta. And, uh, we get on the boat to go to, uh, Langdale, not Langford, I said Lang Langford in Alaska podcasts, it's Langdale and you [00:12:00] go to Gibson's and across from Gibson's is Keats Island. Okay, so it's off the Sunshine Coast then, not off the island.

That's right. Yeah. Anyway, we get on the ferry and there's Dan and his family, and I'm like, oh no. I'm like, I still like. Do not like this guy at, at this time at all. And just very upset. And so I'm like, Nicole, we're going home. Like I don't, I don't wanna deal with this. Can I interject the story for a second?

You can

Gary: ask as much as you want. Wow. If you ever have, if you're listening and you have that, when you see certain people or you feel that way about certain people that they get, give you that anxious pit in your stomach having to meet people, that would be an indicator that you would need to sign up for freedom session anyways, carry on the story.

Um,

Kyle: so anyway, we get, so he's going to Barnabas Island Yeah. That week as well. So like this whole. Trip all of a sudden for me is ruined because there's a hundred people there, 75 people. You're not

Gary: gonna avoid this guy.

Kyle: No. And so anyways, first couple days I'm like really tense, you know, like Nicole feel like I'm shut down emotionally, I'm just like, Nicole's not happy with me.[00:13:00]

And, uh, anyway, there's a pastor, a couple there last year as well, and I went for a hike the one day and kind of told him what was going on. And the theme that week was about forgiveness. And so, um, anyway, so every morning, uh, the kids go and do their thing and then the parents have this talk from this. Uh, pastor and, uh, on the Wednesday morning, so one of the last days, um, he wanted to symbolize forgiveness through foot washing.

And so coming from the NRC and you know, the background I have and stuff like that, I'm like, I. Red flags, you know, weird. Don't wanna put any part of this, but he said, Hey, if you're not comfortable with this, that's fine. So basically they had three chairs in the front with a little little bucket of water basically, and said, if you want, you can, you know, sit, um, sit in the chair and someone else can put your feet in the water and you can dry 'em off.

Whatever you'll have, actually, you have to wash 'em. And it just symbolizes. Um, humility. Mm-hmm. You know, like Jesus washed the disciple's feet. Um, that usually it would've been the serving girl that did that at that time, not even the disciples. And so like, it just symbolizes humility and if anybody wants to do that.

So I'm thinking to myself like, oh no, like, Dan better not get [00:14:00] out there. 'cause that probably means that like, God wants me to do this. And I'm like, mm-hmm. I'm like, yeah, not enjoying it. And anyway, so just a few people doing this and I'm kind of decided in my head I'm not gonna do it. And. Um, then I seen Dan walking up and he went and grabbed the bucket of water, and then he came over to me where I was sitting in like, the crowd, and he said, how can I wash your feet?

And, uh, um, so that was, yeah, I, I broke down. He broke down. Uh, and he just, afterwards, he said, I'm just so, so sorry for what I did, and, and would you please forgive me? And, uh, I said, yes. And, and then I asked for forgiveness as well, just for. I'm blowing up at him the one time and, and just I knew there were things and then the other way you Yeah.

In the relationship I had. And then, then the next day we talked about it through with the pastor as well and just cleared the air and, and since then, um, we're not close like we were in the past, but I definitely were,

Gary: there's no wall there. There's no wall there. Could talk to him. You could, yeah.

Kyle: Yeah.

Talk to him like every three months we grab a coffee or something and so, yeah. That relationship was healed [00:15:00] through that. But that was just, just an, just a wild experience. You just, you can't write that up. So, um, and, uh, so to this week was definitely not

Gary: as crazy as last year. Uh, didn't have any experiences

Kyle: like that.

No. No. But yeah, I respect him and, and try to just to also remember. The good he did in, in, in, in My life. Like he was a real gift for a year there. For a season.

Gary: Yeah. And some people are in life just for that, right? For a season, for a reason, whatever. I think often people are like, oh, we're not close. It's a pro.

No. Like sometimes it's okay. You can't be close with a lot of people. You can't be close with a lot of people for a long time. Yeah, I really struggle with that now. I, my wife is reading a book about A DHD right now and a DHD in marriages, and I will send it to you so you can read it. Mm-hmm. It'll be very helpful for you.

Yeah. Cole has a really bad DH ADHD does. She's uh, so it doesn't me. Marie's got a lot of things, but not a DHD. No, I really have it badly. And um, it was fascinating. One of the things, one of the chapters, she made me [00:16:00] listen to it the other night. She, Marie listens to the bulk of her books. Doesn't read them.

Yeah. Listens to them on Audible and, uh, I was, it was just talked about how like, uh, a DHD partner will like pursue their spouse and just. I mean, love bombing would be the derogatory term that people would use today for narcissistic people. And I'm sure I fall in that comp to some degree. Yeah. But like I was, it was totally over the top, right?

Like it was over the top. Like Marie had a whole book, she probably burned them now, but she had a book of like letters that I wrote and poems, like poems like poetry. Lots of poetry. Really? Yes. Wow. And uh, and uh, all kinds of stuff like that. And bringing exorbitant gifts all the time. And I'm sure my mother and father-in-law would.

Would attest to that. It was just ridiculous. Right. And then, and then, so we date, like that was a year and then we got engaged and like it fell off a cliff. Like just, I thought it fell off after you got married. No, no way before. Okay. Like with me, it was like the minute, it was like, okay, check that box next.

Now hyperfocused on the next thing. Right. And uh, [00:17:00] okay, let's start farming. Let's build the hay business. And, uh. So Marie has really paid the price and had a lot of really been neglected emotionally over the years, uh, in our marriage. And so, yeah, I mean, we're working on that now and we dialogue about it.

Kyle: What does the, what does the chapter say? What, like,

Gary: or

Kyle: list the piece? I think it's

Gary: written to people. I think it's probably written to both. It's written, I think a lot of people don't even realize. They're like, I've realized I'm that way through Freedom Session and just, you know, having candid conversations with my wife, her just saying like, Hey, like.

You're literally like neglecting me, right? Like it's been, you know, and I don't like that because I'd like to pride myself in being a good husband and doing the right things. And so it hurts my feelings and then I withdraw and we get into this horrible cycle of not being connected. But, um, now we have a marriage meeting every week.

Hmm. Every single week. It's one of the things that we, we, Marie and I go to a marriage, uh, retreat conference every single year through Family Life in the fall. It's a fundraiser for Family Life Canada. And, uh, we, uh, yeah, we learned that tool there and I've shared it with a lot of other couples and [00:18:00] people that are serious about.

It's, most couples need to do a marriage meeting, some don't. Like some couples are just really close and they dialogue a lot. And they're good friends. Friends. Yeah. Huge difference for me and a girl. We start doing it friends. Okay. So you do And like for us, like Yeah, we do it and we just happen to do it on Sunday night.

That's, it's the beginning of the week. And to be fair, we've, I think

Kyle: we've,

Gary: we've skipped,

Kyle: missed

Gary: a lot of Sundays as well. It's not like we're super consistent on it. We don't do well if we miss it. Oh, yeah. Um, there's, it's definitely something that's built in and we, and basically, so what you do, because

Kyle: this is what we do, we, I go through our whole calendar together.

Yeah. And talk to the whole thing for the whole week. We talk about one thing we appreciate about each other that week. Okay. One thing we don't like about each other that week. Yeah. And we go through our finances. Okay.

Gary: Yeah. So that would be pretty typical. I mean, they have a pretty specific order outline where they would say you would start with the encouragement.

Mm-hmm. And then if you read the book on it, 'cause Marie's read the whole book on the marriage meeting 'cause there is a book on it. It was basically, you would just take, uh, you would ask the other person after you're done saying, Hey, this is what I appreciate about you, or This is what's been great. This is what was great in our last week.

Say, Hey, did I miss anything? And then that's kind of humbling when like [00:19:00] there's four things that they were really awesome and you missed. Right. Maria, you should couple. What about, and,

Kyle: and you told, you told me, or I dunno if Maria told me, but, um, uh, giving criticism, you don't enjoy doing other things that you don't like.

Gary: Yeah. 'cause I just would prefer to just. Have a mediocre relationship rather than have any conflict. Right. Mm. And have very little, like, just avoid conflict like the plague. Right. Yeah. And people are surprised when I say that 'cause people are like, oh, you're, you're a big mouth or whatever. And I am a big mouth, but I'm a big mouth.

That avoids conflict. So yeah, it's a pretty dangerous combination.

Kyle: Fall.

Gary: Would you fall

Kyle: that cat? I think so, yeah. Or traditionally? Like historically? Uh um, um, I would definitely like definitely a hardcore people pleaser. Yeah. Okay. Try to make, try to. I mean, it really helps in sales and taught me a lot of sales skills.

Like, but yeah, I mean, as a, from very early on as a kid that was like, uh, what I wanted was acceptance and it never came. And so, um, that's I think what drives a lot of it as well.

Gary: Okay. Yeah, I mean it's, I've said it before, I dunno if I've said it on here, but, uh, conflict is the, is the [00:20:00] pathway to intimacy, right?

Mm-hmm. So obviously healthy conflict and gentle and kind and all the things that you can do well, and, and that's one thing that I was probably not taught when I was younger, right? I was never taught, it was never shown to me how to model, like modeled how to like disagree and to be, you know, to say anything negative while still being very encouraging while doing it.

And some people have a gift of doing it, and I don't think I do, but I would, I would love to learn how to be. Uh, honest and truthful, and, and

Kyle: I think it also comes from a culture when everyone, when you're in community where for the most part everyone thinks the same, then when someone has a different belief than you, it

Gary: feels like an attack.

Well also, so on that line, so I grew up believing that if something was different it was wrong. Yeah. Like that's how exactly, that's how it was ingrained. And actually it's funny 'cause I just talked to a guy this morning about it and we were just talking about churches and kind of, you know, the different, the way people view things and, and religion and faith and, and it was just like, yeah.

And some things are wrong. So, I mean, it's not as if, if it's different, it's not wrong. It's just you have to be able to sift through scripture and, and [00:21:00] decipher what's, act what truth is. Right? Yeah. And, uh, and don't assume people will interpret it well. You were taught was necessarily right either so that, so I would have, that would be another thing that I would struggle with.

Right. Just that air of superiority where, or even in my marriage where it's like, hey, if we don't have an agreement, I'm gonna assume that I'm right and she's wrong. That's a problem. Yeah.

Kyle: It's interesting. I like even just like this, this podcast and getting feedback on it and stuff like that, people have like shared things they liked and didn't like and yeah.

And, uh, um, I mean, I just, my goal is just to be as real as possible. It's just, you know, not, is that what people want? I dunno. If it's what people want, it's what I'm gonna do. Okay. Okay. So you're not people pleaing. Well, no, I, I, I think if I start doing that, then it's gonna be a, uh, I mean, I, the purpose of, for me, for this show is to be, uh, create something that I would wanna listen to.

Yeah. Like, I, I really enjoy it and to be real. No, no. Bullshit. Like, if you meet me in private or you meet me, listen to me here, you're gonna get the same. Um, um, um, same version. Okay. Are you looking up?

Gary: Oh, the reading of today.

Kyle: Oh, I got a [00:22:00] proverb picked out.

Gary: I know you do, but this is Corinthians man, and I'm just Oh, you read it?

Oh, I read it this morning.

Kyle: You

Gary: got, you got one of these, you're following the same plan. Well, it's different version. It's the, but yeah, same plan.

Yeah, it was exactly right here. I even flipped back a few days.

Kyle: Anyway, go, go

Gary: going, sorry,

Kyle: go While you looked that up, uh, um, uh, you know, there's gonna be people that don't have the same beliefs as us. We don't necessarily have all the same beliefs either you, you and I. I'm not sure. I can't think of anything right now, but I think that's okay.

Um, but I think you can have an open conversation about it. And that doesn't necessarily mean, uh, the other person's not a Christian or that, you know, don't agree on everything. But just having that, um, openness, that's how you learn. Get better. You know, consider other people's beliefs and learn about them.

It's actually one of the, um, when I started this podcast that was kind of my international premise and back in 2019, was to, um, learn about other people's worldviews beliefs and how they got there. 'cause often someone has a different belief than you, you just judge the belief. But if, [00:23:00] unless you take the time to figure out how they got to that belief.

And, you know, understand how they got there. It's gonna be really hard to like, engage, but I think first you need to seek to understand like, why does that person have that belief? Yeah. Like, how, grow up that way. Or, you know, why do they do the things they do? Like, um, very rarely is it, you know, is it just pure, um, you know, ignorance?

Mm-hmm. Or is it like,

Gary: yeah. Anyways, the verse is that, and it, it, Paul Paul's. Letters to the Corinthians here, one Corinthians nine, and it goes into 10 11. I started obviously on, on the date that we're on, and then I flipped back to August 15th. But it was just where he talks about, you know, even though I'm a free man with no master, I become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ.

Right? And he talks at length about that, about how when he's with the Jews, he's like the Jews, et cetera. Right. Which is where the saying, uh, went in Rome.

Kyle: Yeah. But, uh, I think. So it's interesting my dad used to use this argument, uh, to with me as well, to be like, you know, there's a [00:24:00] whole bunch of things he would say he would do, not because he believed they were um, wrong or right, but because just culturally acceptable.

I. And so you would say like Timothy, um, Paul, Paul told Timothy to get circumcised so the Jews didn't have an excuse not to listen to him.

Kyle (2): Mm-hmm.

Kyle: Um, you know, and just to do that. And I think that's wise. Like Hudson Taylor I think grew like a big long ponytail when he went to China to like, when you try to reach the Chinese with the gospel, um, to try to fit in with that culture.

I think with be wise, but also later on in the New Testament. Um, the Jews in Jerusalem who are a more established church are told, Hey, don't make this issue of circumcision a thing. Don't, don't tell people. Don't tell, don't tell people to do it. So I think it's, well that's,

Gary: he goes into the next chapter saying, there's lots of freedom.

Yeah. Freedom in what to eat. Freedom. You know, which is interesting 'cause I hung out the other day. I was in Idaho on a hay buying trip a couple weeks ago, and I hung out with a guy that was a seven day Adventist and he started, and I didn't have the verse for him. Which is unfortunate, but he would just started talking about how, you know, they don't eat pork and this and that.

And I'm thinking like, like it's fine to not eat pork, I guess. But like to say that, that should be your, your [00:25:00] stance. It just doesn't line up with mm-hmm. How the teaching here. Right. And I mean I didn't, like I said, I wasn't, don't need to shoot to him down 'cause he's Seven Day Adventist. But it was just interesting that he had all the, he picked, he had cherry picked some of these things that were important.

Right. A culture's weird. Like I

Kyle: remember like, uh, the word awesome for example, like growing up, if I refer to God as awesome, that would be. Rude. It wouldn't be acceptable. It wouldn't be respectful. It wouldn't be respectful. And I know a guy in the UK that if you use the word awesome for anybody other than God, it's bad.

Only God is awesome. Like full of awe, whatever. Okay. You. Oh, for God, I'm just like, it's a word. Like, it just like, uh, you know, how can you just pick one and say like, that's what it means and this is right. And if you're, other than that, you're, I think it's, uh, scary to do that. Mm-hmm. Anyways.

Uh, fruit of the spirit of the week is peace. I talk about peace. What does it mean if God says to us, we should, as a Christian, be [00:26:00] peaceful? What does that mean

Gary: to you? You think about, well, I think personally on a personal level, we should have peace.

With ourselves. Yeah. We should be in that. Be at peace. At peace, have faith. Faith would bring upon a peace upon us that mm-hmm. Passes all understanding. Right. Yeah. Which is a foreign concept to me. If I had to describe myself in a sentence, it'd be that I'm perpetually discontent. So, I mean, is that really true?

Like, like I would

Kyle: say. Historically, you've been way more discontent. If know, like your, your story, your life story, like when you were, like in your twenties, I would say you're less discontent now. You're more peaceful than you ever have been. In your luck with God, like there has been growth, I'm assuming.

Gary: Yeah, there has. It's just I think of, oh, he, yeah, maybe, maybe probably don't, don't look at it that objectively. I just feel like, I guess I, I too often compare to, right, and people are just given certain personalities and. I just look at some guys and they're just, wow. They're [00:27:00] content. Content with what?

They have content. I'm like that, that feels more Christ-like than the idea of like always being driven. Yeah. I mean,

Kyle: it's clearly clear that you have a long ways to go, but

Gary: um, peaceful with others is something that. Like, we just live in a polarized society. And I just long, long for that. I just feel like that's why I joked with you about the conservative Christian thing, but I just think like it's, yeah, how do we dialogue?

And there again, we can even really disagree with people or we can think they're really wrong, but can we still have, we should still be able to have relationship with people that we really disagree with. Love, love 'em, be loving, be kind

Kyle: and caring. And, but also like, I, I think this is really, really important when I, uh, started gonna central church.

I still came, like I remember the first night at a worship night. I think you know the story, but Yeah. Um, uh, so it was like a sing-along whatever, and, and, and I thought I would go and so I was, you know, that was the band up front and, and uh, there there's just loud music, not the organ, uh, anymore. And so naturally I'm still suspicious just how I grew up.

You just like, [00:28:00] you're just not used to it. It's just, it's just different. Mm-hmm. I tell people if you, you know, have a peanut, if you have soup after church on Sunday. For 40 years, you know, and then someone puts a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of you, you're gonna think it's wrong. You don't have any biblical backup for it.

You know, it's just different. So you're not used to it, so you think it's wrong. Yeah. There's like, and so I think naturally that that was part of it going into it, but I. They sang first 10 minutes about, um, the Sinfulness of Man. Mm-hmm. And then read a whole bunch of quotes and then 10 minutes about the Holiness of God and a bunch of quotes.

Then 10 minutes about the redemption in Christ and a bunch of quotes. And I was just like, I was kind of floored 'cause it was just so clear. But they read Romans three and which describes who we are. When we don't believe in Jesus yet, and it says, your heart's like an open grave. And it's kind of like, and it says a whole bunch more pieces.

I think it starts like verse 12. I would encourage anybody in that to read it in that new living translation version, just 'cause it's so blunt. But, um, if you realize that, uh, like that we're. Dead and sins that were like, we're black. We need Jesus. There's nothing, we're not better than anybody. We're not worse than [00:29:00] anybody.

We're all equal.

Gary: Yeah. That's not how we grew up though. We grew up tear sins. Were all tiered. Exactly. But that's not how it is though. Right. Some things weren't even sins that were sins just 'cause that's how they set the The spectrum. Yeah.

Kyle: But it's not. But I think when you believe, when you, when you, when you believe it's, it's equal, then you don't have,

Gary: this definitely changes things.

Yeah. It changes everything. Changes your perception on yourself and on others. That's right. Yeah. And it, it makes, it should bring more gratitude to us, right? Just how gracious God is for us. And nothing

Kyle: to prove

Gary: and nothing to prove.

Kyle: Like I, I don't have anything to prove. Like, like I am who I am. Like if you, like, if someone says like, I can't believe he does did that, or this and that, I'm like, well, then you have Romans three.

'cause read, Romans three pretty much makes sense that, you know, we're as, as bad as we are. Yeah. And our hope is in Christ and shouldn't we, we shouldn't accept it then and just be like, oh, I'm gonna keep on sinning. 'cause it doesn't matter. But mm-hmm. It's, uh. Um, it's not based on,

Gary: I guess versus the thing is with people like being humans, like versus like where sin abounds, grace does much more a bound, we don't, we can't really even wrap our head around that.

Right. Because [00:30:00] our grace does not keep abounding.

Kyle: That's right.

Gary: Right. As human beings like in a marriage or whatever, like all of a sudden, no, that was the straw. There's a reason that's a straw that broke the camel's back. We have caps. It's over. We have limits. Yeah. So to think that, and I think that's where we get into trouble, right?

I mean, we start. Portraying our humanness on, on God and start. And then, but I think it's beautiful when you meet

Kyle: Christians that like have extremely high limits. Like, like we're supposed to reflect, you know, uh, as dads God the father, you know, we're supposed to be an image of him. Like reflect his character.

Yeah. In our marriages supposed to reflect Christ like Yeah. The more it does. Yeah. Christian should be, that means take the crust every time we're just had a half hour already. Yeah. Goodness. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna read the proverb and then we'll go into overtime, uh, proverb over the week. Now pick this one 'cause it seemed right up your alley.

Proverbs 21, 5 7. Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty, shortcuts lead to poverty. Wealth created by a lying tongue is a vanishing mist and a deadly trap. [00:31:00] The violence of the wicked sweeps them away because they refuse to do what is just a good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.

Gary: Lots of things lead to poverty, hasty shortcuts. Whereas my mom used to say to me, those get rich quick schemes that you have. Gary,

Kyle: for me, I think this reminds me of the compound effect. I don't know the, the book here, it's a great book, but like doing a small thing over a long period of time mm-hmm. Has huge impact.

Just like quickly trying to get, you don't quickly try to be a good dad. You don't try to quickly. Run a good business. You don't try to quickly, good things take time. Yeah. It's just like a small thing. Over a long period of time, I did the math this week. I was talking to my brother-in-law who came with us to barn bi landing and uh, an average person's screen time is three to four hours a day.

Kyle (2): Okay.

Kyle: You cut a half hour off of that. You take that half hour, you times that by half hour every day for 20 years. It's roughly, I think [00:32:00] 3000 hours. An average, you know, which is a year and a half, a year and a half of work time, a year and a half of work time. So you use that half hour to what? Like be a better dad.

You know, learn an instrument, you know, like read book, exercise a bit, whatever, exercise, whatever's that, like over 20 years, that has a huge impact. But it's a small thing over a long period of time, you don't decide you wanna be a good dad, you know, have a good relationship with your kids 20 years from now starts.

Doing a really small thing today and a really small thing tomorrow and the next day just don't stop.

Gary: Yeah. Another great book read both. He actually has two books out now. Um, I think it's Morgan, Morgan Hounsell, or Hansell is his name. Uh, and the books are the Psychology of Money and, uh, the same as ever.

And very much those similar concepts, but very interesting. Reads, lots of stories, great, great writer and uh, yeah, just about sticking with it, right? Yeah. Sticking with it.

Kyle: And you see that in other ways. Like you see guys that like stick with their business for 20 years and like they ever give their life their business in 20 years.

They have a [00:33:00] really good business, like really successful, have a lot of money because that's where they put their time in. So it makes sense. That's what you get. Yeah.

Gary: Also, there is just a lot of that compounding effect is, is, is happening. So slowly that you don't see it. Mm-hmm. And so for someone like me who's extremely impulsive, impulsive and impatient, and I've done this, I think I've told you multiple times, sold things or just been just too impatient and just, and it's, it's interesting how, uh, left a lot of money on the table just kind of being like, oh no, gotta make a move.

Gotta make a move, right. Rather than just being like, no, we'll just see this through and this is gonna take time. And in some areas I have. So it's been good. But I do feel like reminds me that dead people's portfolios do best in the stock market. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not, so that would be one of the chapters of the book would be the, the Dead Investor or something like that, where he talks about those.

If you can just leave it alone, put your money in, not look at it, the best portfolio would be one that's never looked at. Right. So,

Kyle: awesome. Hey guys, thanks for listening. Uh, as always, uh, really appreciate it. If you [00:34:00] like the podcast, hit the notification bell on your, uh, wherever you listen to it so it pops up when it gets published.

If you have any questions or. Topics you think we should discuss? Send 'em in. Um, I'm gonna add a form to my website, furiously curious.co, where you can send in a question and you can do that anonymously if you want. So if you want us to talk about something that you're like, Hey, I don't want people to know that Gary and Khan know that this is who sent it in, whatever else like that.

Maybe it's a scenario, maybe it's something going on in your business or something like that. We can just discuss it and talk about it. Um, otherwise we'll see you guys next week and we are gonna go into overtime, which is us just talking a little more candidly. Um, and you can watch that on patreon.com/free.

So curious, uh, it's five bucks. Is there a link? Um, there's gonna be a link today. Okay. Yeah. So I'll start mentioning it on here. Um, but uh, I'll start putting together some of the stuff we've been talking about. We've been doing it for a few weeks now. Um, so yeah. Anyways. Cheers.

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