June 4, 2025

Tithing & Sex: How Much, How Often? - The Briefcase and the Barn - Ep 46

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Kyle: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the episode of the Briefcase in the Barn, a series of the furious security show where we talk about business, life, Christianity, and more. With me and Gary. This is a bonus episode, not bonus, but we're not, we're not sure when it's gonna get released, so we're, uh, gonna try to keep it out, out of the news and, and more stuff that's, uh, relevant too.

Um, anytime. So

Gary: ready? Yeah. Hard for me to do 'cause there's so many questions I have to everything that was, uh, talked about recently. Oh.

Kyle: Okay.

Gary: It's all good. Yep.

Kyle: Uh, show sponsors Furious Li Curious Coaching. Uh, I'll read testimonial here from, uh, Tyler Kemp. Uh, Kyle helped me shift my focus to the big picture, hold employees accountable and address challenges directly.

These changes have improved my leadership and created a more efficient, responsible team. Even my wife has noticed the positive impact. Kyle's ability to highlight strengths and tackle weaknesses has been invaluable for both my business and my personal growth. Some Tyler Camp is the owner of MK Machining in Missouri.

It's a 3D printing company. Pretty cool. Um, company, one of the biggest 3D [00:01:00] printer, 3D printing companies in, uh, in, uh, America, metal 3D printing and, uh, polymers and production 3D printing and it's really cool stuff.

Gary: We do 3D printing here at a commercial level, you

Kyle: know, but they're, they're crazy big, huge expensive machines.

And, yeah. Anyways, if you're interested in that, uh, hit me up. Um, or go to furiously curious.co. Question for you, Gary. Yeah. You've often taught me be broken. Weep. Yeah. Why? Why? Why do you say that? Why do you Um, well that's a heavy

Gary: question right outta the gate. Um, uh, 'cause most of us are just trying desperately to hold it together when inside we're dying and we'll never, ever, ever be okay if we're not okay with not being okay.

Most people are to some degree. Obviously people are very all way across on the spectrum of emotional health, but most people have some stuff they need to work through and rather than just be broken before God, they tend to just [00:02:00] try harder, clinging tighter to your own willpower to figure it out. And we all do it.

I do it even though I know better, even though I tell, give lectures to you, it's still very hard to just come to the end of myself. Yeah. But yeah, we're supposed to be, uh, in that posture. I think just as, I think as people, we're healthier when we're that way. And, um, it's funny, this will come out after, obviously after Freedom Session grad, but one of the things I talked about for people that were graduating was just the idea of like, just be honest.

Like, you know, just say like, Hey, there's some things I'm still really sucking at, but you know, this is the area where God's helped me. And I think that people don't, um, people don't wanna do that even though it's just such a blessing even to those around them. Like obviously everyone around us in our inner circle knows that we're struggling if we're being at all authentic, right?

So, um, I just think that. For you and for me with our character and how proud we are and how determined we are, we'll often fight when really the best way to win the war is to give up. Especially when, yeah, we just need to depend on God and I, I've had those experiences myself [00:03:00] in the last few weeks where I feel like I've run on self will and then just kind of come to the end of myself and thought, boy, like I'm like literally physically crashing here, like health wise, because I'm just trying to do too much and it's not what I'm called to do.

I'm not called to do all these things. Right. And because I haven't spent enough time praying about it, so I feel like. My general sense is, is that, and, and I have meet so many, like I meet so many di mostly guys, obviously all basically all guys. Yeah. At least one-on-one anyways. Um, and they're all just.

Trying to do the right thing. They're trying, like most men want to be a good husband if they're husband. Yeah. Like most, like even if they're doing horrible things, they would, they nobody wants to, I'm a shitty husband.

Kyle: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gary: Like, you know what I mean? Like nobody's signing up to be that and vice versa.

Even as a wife, like most women probably wanna be good, good wives, I would assume. Right? I know for sure mine does. And then when they're struggling in an area, if they're not vulnerable about it quickly, like if you don't let your guard, if you can't, if you don't think you can trust enough to let your guard down.

Um, then pretty soon you're, it's fictitious the relationship's, Vic fictitious, right? Mm-hmm. So

Kyle: does it, does it sc um, does, um, being broken [00:04:00] or, or, or admitting that still scare you? Because I have it that I resisted, like, I, I, the reason I brought it up is in the last week, like I felt myself, uh, I, I was talking to a guy and I, I just, and I was just, I was just really struggling.

Struggling and, and I could just tell I was just trying to hold on and not break down and not break down. That's just our culture,

Gary: right? Think it's our culture or think just men in general. I, I can't speak for other cultures, I guess, but in our culture, and most men are not that emotional and like, I'm like, sadness is like literally just a normal emotion.

Yeah. But like, how often are we sad? Yeah. We just consider it some sign of weakness to be like emotional or sad or like, no, like it's just a, a beautiful thing. So I don't know. I, like I said, I don't do it enough either. Um, what do you, what do, what do you mean what's enough?

Kyle: Like how, like how often often you find yourself, like just weeping and, uh,

Gary: not very often lately, but I sometimes every month or every few weeks, like if I'm in a, probably a healthier season where I'm just like more self-aware and just allow, allow myself to get to that spot, um, obviously [00:05:00] there's even, there's times you have to hold it together and there's people that depend on you and you can't be, I don't even in our house sometimes I'll be like, if I'm hanging out with my kids and I'm struggling, I'll be like, man, I just need to have a good cry.

Right? Like, I don't. I grew up where I never saw a man cry. Ever. Hmm. I mean, I don't know. So I just think And why is that? Well 'cause it's just man up. That's where the term comes from, right? Yeah. What does that mean? Even like, yeah, maybe man up means just crying. Did Jesus not man up when he cried every time?

He cried a lot. A lot. Yeah. He interesting. Right? So anyways, okay. Um, be curious to do a poll. I love the polls. Right. But I'd be curious to do a poll of, of. Men and women listeners to like the listeners of this podcast? How many people cry once a month? Once a month or once a year? Once I'll do a poll. I'll do it on once a year.

I'll do it on,

Kyle: uh, yeah, do the fork. Spotify, if you listen to, listen Spotify over half, listen on Spotify. Spotify. Are you serious? Yeah. Okay. They go underneath there. And this came

Gary: up yesterday with somebody that had listened randomly. Um, I think they quit [00:06:00] listening now, which is fine. But, uh, she, she was asking, the lady was asking, uh, can you see who's.

On Apple Podcasts. Can you see who, how many people are listening on that platform? Because you can't see how many times it's been played. Like Spotify, you can say,

Kyle: see? Yeah, Spotify. My Spotify, um, uh, where I upload on Spotify that pushes it to the other platforms will tell me what percentages go to Apple, what percentages, um, other like, uh, so

Gary: you can see through Spotify actually how many times the Apple Podcast to listen to.

Yeah. Interesting.

Kyle: I posted on, uh, on uh, social media this, uh, last week. Um, the question, if you could spend one hour with anyone in the world still living, who would you want it to be? Okay. What would you answer to that?

Gary: Didn't see it, but if you could spend one hour with anybody in the world still living, who would you want it to be?

Probably my wife. That's

Speaker: loser. Not a loser, but liar. Liar. Yes.

Gary: Liar. Oh man. [00:07:00] The worst part is she is a listener. For that to answer for that bs. Um,

Kyle: anybody like a politician? Would it be like a, some investor would, would it be a, like a, a well-known?

Gary: Oh

Kyle: man. Christian pastor. Who'd you, anybody?

Gary: Lots of different people.

I mean, would I like to hang out with Warren Buffet? Yeah. 'cause that'd be interesting, right? Oracle Omaha. But I mean, is that the person I'd pick? Probably not.

Kyle: Yeah. Or I think anybody ask themselves that question. If you're listening to this answer, ask that question. Um, that person is probably a hero to you to, to some degree.

Yeah. So who do you think your son or daughter would most wanna spend one hour with tomorrow? And it's, especially for me being a dad, it's dads, it's their dad. That's who they'd wanna spend an hour with. You've talked to any kid. Um, and it's because we're their hero.

Gary: Yeah, it's weird. A that's gonna change one day.

Kyle: It is gonna change one day, but right now it still is and it has a huge impact on it. And so I, when does that change? Is that basically a teenage thing? Would that be, [00:08:00] um, I think if you're consistently doing it from childhood on and ha like nurturing a relationship with them, I don't think it actually changes that much.

I think it really has the biggest difference when you, the parent doesn't foster a relationship with them in the early years and that later years, it's just like, they just, they're done. But I, I posted it 'cause I don't want, um, people to forget that a good dad gives his kids what they need most and that's himself.

Uh, and the amazing thing is we are just a picture of that because that's also what God gives us is himself. Um, and I, I posted it 'cause that's what peace, um, Easter's all about. And then, uh, I, I posted it with the Bible text from Matthew seven. Seven to 11, which is, um, ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find knock and it'll be open to you who, and everyone who asks, receives, and the one who seeks fines and the one who knocks it will be opened.

Or which one of you if his son asks him for bed, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish will give him a serpent. So like if you ask, you know, if you ask your kids, [00:09:00] ask for that. If then you who are evil, us being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him?

And so I think it was just a, it was just a good reminder for, first of all, dads like, spend time with your kids. Like they, there's no one they would wanna spend more time with. Like we are their heroes and it gives us the picture of who God is, right When we spend no freedom obsession. Week four, I think it is like when you compare your, compare your relationship with your dad and how you view your relationship, that's often how you view your relationship with God the father and God the Father gives himself, he gave His life, gives himself and, and so I think it's important that we as dads especially

Gary: keep doing that with our kids.

Thoughts, feedback. Oh, it'd just be really interesting to see all the people that people suggest that they'd wanna hang out with. And the reasons why. I mean, the other thing is how much are you really thinking about it? Right? Like would the answer change if you knew that your parents were gonna, you know, or anybody was gonna pass away in the next week?

Of course it would. Right? Then it would be that [00:10:00] person. So, I don't know.

Kyle: Yeah.

Gary: Fair enough.

Kyle: Okay. Moving on to, uh, a couple reels. First one is, uh, are you a Calvinist or are you a P list?

Gary: Uh, you're so predictable in the, in the content. I just, it reminds me of something else. Play the reel. Let's see. Okay. Are you a Calvinist, John?

Speaker: If I had the choice between being a Pist or a Calvinist, I'd choose. Paul, when we take these names, I'm the Calvinist. I am an Armenian. We're taking names that are not common to all Christians, and there's an argument in one Corinthians, which I could go through, but the first four chapters are devoted to trying to get us winged off the idea.

I am of Paul, I am of Calvin, I am of Luther because it's something left. Than Christ. If people ask you that kind of question and you simply say, I am or I'm not, but you haven't discussed anything biblical. So what I would answer to that question is I [00:11:00] say, what aspect of Calvinism would you like to discuss?

And then we get into it.

Gary: Great. Cut. A Is it what you expected? It wasn't what I expected. I wasn't trying to stir the pot at all. Um, don't like the music in the clips. Say No, I hate that too. Just drives these bonkers, why to play this weird music. Like, just have the guy talk man.

Kyle: Yes.

Gary: Speak wisdom.

Kyle: Yeah, I think I, hopefully I can.

Uh, who is the guy talking? The guy's from the UK and he's like an apologist of some sort. I forgot his name. John Lennon, I think it is. Okay. Yeah. John Lennox. Lennox. Maybe I'll, I'll look it up. Um, but yeah, I think that's a good point. And, and the scripture he's referring to is, is, uh. I think somewhere in, um,

Gary: well, it's 'cause they already did it back then, right?

Yeah. In the early church. They were, they were pitting sides and taking people, I follow this guy up. Totally. Makes sense. Human nature. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Drives me crazy and

Kyle: labels go so fast. I noticed that I, uh, I published my podcast with Maxine Bernie this week. Yeah. Um, and my, uh, on Facebook, the amount of comments [00:12:00] I'm getting, like really angry comments that I even had even had this interview.

Gary: wow.

Kyle: Why is that? Because they're scared that it's gonna make liberals go in any attention. PPC is gonna split the vote. Right? Oh, wow. And, uh, but we talk about that on the podcast, and, and if you actually listen to the whole thing, it, it, uh, you know, you, you, you'll get a different view, but people don't listen to it.

They see the headline and they, they comment. And I think that's often what happens again, with these labels in Christianity as well. Like, you're just like, you don't actually have a discussion. You're just, you, you're just taking the label and, and run with it.

Gary: Yeah, I really struggle with those terms and I, I've struggled with any of the, I guess to me, anytime that someone's taking, like I've read quite a bit of Kelvin's stuff now and you know, like we have books and stuff in our house from him.

And like even the idea of what I was, my idea of what what he stood for is completely Yeah. Shattered by what he re writes in his book. So it's like, you got this, this weird, uh, this weird [00:13:00] paradox going on where it's like, no, this is not even. My idea of, or how it was framed when I, in my mind, how I perceived it is not true.

And so there you go. I mean, his main thing is just read your Bible, right? So, I mean, you just quoted Matthew, what was that, Matthew 18 or, yeah, stay in the word.

Kyle: Okay. Uh, next one is the real difference between, um, it says in the clip it's, uh, Mexicans versus Americans, but I think it's Mexicans versus like, uh, north, north American culture.

So,

Speaker: and this guy said to me, he said, you know what, the biggest difference between you Americans and us Mexicans are. And I said, no. What? He said, um, we only sleep in our houses. He said, if we're not asleep, we're out. We're either at church or we're having coffee with friends, or we're doing something communally.

He said, the American dream is to have everything you could possibly need in your house, so you will never have to leave it. DoorDash, you bring your food, you'll have your own movie theater there. You'll have your own commercial kitchen. You'll have your own, uh, gym, workout gym. You'll have everything [00:14:00] in a self-sustained house, so you'll never have to ever leave your house and deal with anybo other people.

Gary: That's a great clap.

Kyle: I thought it was really interesting. Yeah, it is

Gary: interesting.

Kyle: It's funny how, because of the. Culture, I'm talking North American culture here. You grew up in you. It's really easy to assume that that's normal or the best culture, whatever, because of that's what you're most used to. When you hear a clip like that and you realize, oh, like there's,

Gary: is that the case though, or is it more just when people get to a certain, uh, level of, of wealth?

They're building big houses and they're putting everything self-sustaining usually. Like I'm, I guess my question would be if you're a wealthy Mexican, are you not building a big house where you have all the staff in your own house and you're not, don't have to leave either. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair.

I'm just wondering if that's maybe a little more relevant.

Kyle: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hadn't thought of that. But regardless, it still is. I think the, I, I would say in, in more South American culture, like community is valued a lot more, like elders are respected a lot more. Um, [00:15:00] and those. Um, types of things, but, and I think it's just a good reminder of like our, our happiness is not gonna be, um, if it's outside of Christ, is not gonna be found in just more stuff or being more alone and more self-sustaining.

But there's, there's so much power in, in community and being together and being able to receive gifts and love and be able to give it and not be so, um, isolated.

Gary: I wonder too, to what extent, I mean there's probably so many factors that play into it, but you think of even, I'm just thinking of like. You know, maybe my wife uses, uh, Instacart or something.

Right. Which I despise 'cause I wanna save Instacart. Instacart, you know, like where you get the groceries delivered? Have you heard? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Same thing as DoorDash that he mentioned the clip. Same idea, but Okay. Okay. Um, but I wonder if that, you know, her, her, her thing would be, well, you, I don't wanna go take three kids, four and under in the store and fight, you know, wait in line and have somebody deliver it.

Right. I'm like, Hey, like. Let's save the $17 and 45 cents [00:16:00] and uh, let's have you suffer over there in the store. Right. That's kind of, yeah. Or whatever. Like,

Kyle: or, or maybe someone in the community helps.

Gary: Yeah, fair enough. I guess I always just feel like it's a money thing, which is not totally about that. And I'm an extrovert, so I'm always thinking when you hear a clip like that, I'm like, oh no.

It's just the introverts that wanna stay home. But even me, like if I had a choice between working out in my garage at home, which is what I do, or going to the gym, I'm working out in my garage at home, I just have no desire to go. Yeah. Like work out. With other people in a big building where like that's just, to me, that's weird.

Yeah. Um, even though it's obviously normal 'cause a lot of people do it, but it's just not my comfort zone. Um, even though I could go anywhere and probably talk to anybody in a different setting. Yeah. But I think that we just live in a super, um, like I feel it's very connected to the level of judgment that's in our culture and where people are always feeling judged and.

It's that idea of, um, when something bad happens, now it's always just pull, like, pull out your phone and video it. Like not help, not like get involved. Yeah. Like I had it, I don't know if I shared this story on here, but I had it where I was sitting at the McDonald's one time [00:17:00] with my kids in my truck and some people started fighting.

So I went and got involved and broke up the fight and everybody in the drive through lineup, like there's like 10 cars there. This is in Harlem and downtown Chillowak, and they're all just videoing out their window. Where I'm like, you know, get getting abused, right? Yeah. I walk back to my car looking at these people like, I'm like, what are you guys?

What's going on? Right. Yeah. So I do think there's this, it's our bit of our culture where it's just like, we just live in a And is that North American? Is that Western or is that just entitled? Is that apathetic? Is it the same reason that only 50 to 60% of people vote even less than a municipal election where people just don't care?

They don't think it matters. Yeah. Is it because we've had it too good for too long? Probably. That would be my assumption. I just think that hard times need to come and they are gonna come and

Kyle: yeah, I think it's a whole, whole bunch of factors. Yeah, I, I definitely don't think that the, I think we've talked about it before, but um, about like in the, in the seventies when you asked a, a celebrity a question, um, on a publicly, they would probably give you exactly what they thought.

As their answer because it wasn't being filmed. [00:18:00] And I'm like, probably gonna get published all over the world and now like people are, and now literally. So that, that,

Gary: yeah, that's kind of where I was

Kyle: going. Now literally everything goes online, so people are so cautious, paranoid. Nobody, nobody speaks truth.

If you do, if you don't get it perfect, you're canceled. You're, you're roasted yet. How come we haven't been canceled yet? We're due. I do not care.

Gary: You can't cancel Kyle.

Kyle: I do not care.

Gary: I cancel myself.

Kyle: Yes. That's your biggest problem. Okay. I got a question for you. Uh, should Christians tithe on gross or net?

Gary: Oh my, this is really interesting 'cause when we were, you asked the question earlier in the podcast about who would I like to meet and I didn't spit it out in the moment, but I was thinking of it after the, uh, my thought was, uh, the guy that wrote Money, possessions and Eternity. Oh,

Kyle: Randy Elkhorn.

Gary: Randy Elkhorn.

I dunno if I've plugged this book already. Yeah. Marie just finished reading it. Uh, I'm a little way through it and I need to read the rest of it, but we had a good discussion about it last night. And if you

Kyle: need the really short version, it's [00:19:00] called a treasury Principle and it's one of the ones I want, might want to read for gentle and lil leave it.

Gary: Okay. Yeah, probably be good to go there. So, um, anyways, okay. There's no kind answer to that. There's no, there's no, there's no answer he would say, and I don't wanna butcher what he's gonna say, but, um. Even the, I struggle even saying this, you know, I was gonna say, wealthy people should obviously give more than 10%, and maybe if you're less wealthy, you should give less.

Yeah. But nobody thinks they're wealthy. For sure. The wealthy people don't, you don't think you're wealthy. No. No. Um, people don't, nobody's, nobody has enough. Right? Like it's always this fear. That's what I say last night. Yeah. Yeah. Because one of my thoughts was, um, this is another. Discussion that Marie and I have and, and don't, I think we're pretty aligned, but for sure, like me and my lawyer didn't agree 'cause I was working on our estate planning and like just a will, a basic will.

And I wanted to like, talk about giving very little to our kids, like, it's not gonna do this big. Like, no, nobody's getting a fat check after we die, whenever that might be, whether it be next year in [00:20:00] 20 years. And, and he's like, oh, it's against the law. Like, you know, your, your will be contested. Like if you give, if, if you had $10 million, let's say, or a million dollars or whatever the number was, and you gave 90% of it to charity and 10% to your kids.

Your kids could contest that and get more of the money. That was the, and there again, there's probably lawyers like smarter people than me listening to this that might say, oh, that's not true. But that was what I was told and my, so anyways, where I was going with that whole concept, with that concept was that I have felt, I.

Like, personally, I can play the tape all the way through. I'm relatively intelligent. I'm thinking, well, if I think that way, why would I not just be giving away the 90% now while I'm alive? Like, why? And then my instance, the second thought is, what about if I don't have enough? What about if there's not enough left?

Right? Yeah. And it's this, so that's, that's the heart, that's my heart issue. And that's the part that, uh, Randy goes after in the death.

Kyle: Yeah.

Gary: Yeah.

Kyle: I, I think we're, we're, um. We would love if the Bible explicitly told us.

Gary: Yeah. So we could check the box, but we check the, that's not how Christian life is. It's a hard, everything is a hard issue pretty much.

That's right. So, yeah. So

Kyle: I did pull up two Bible texts [00:21:00] to, uh, to just, uh, to, to, uh, share after this. So two Corinthians 9, 7, 9. Uh, you must each dev, uh, each decide in your heart how much to give, don't give reluctantly, or in response to pressure. God loves a person who gives cheerfully and God's will, uh, generously provides all you need.

Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the scriptures say they share freely and give generously to the poor, their good deeds will be remembered forever. So I thought that was just a, a good reminder of just like, Hey, it's not, it's like, where's your heart at?

Give cheerfully, God will provide for you. Don't worry. But then also, um, uh, there's another verse where Jesus is talking to the Pharisees, um, who did everything perfectly right? And so they probably tithe on their growth. Um, and he says, what sorrow awaits you, uh, teachers of their religious law, and you pharisees, you hypocrites, where you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the [00:22:00] most important aspects of the law.

Justice, mercy and faith, you should tithe. Yes, but do not, do not neglect the more important things. That's Matthew 2323. And, uh, and so I think yeah, our, our, our intimidation is yeah, to tick boxes, which I think is what the Pharisees were doing there. And he, and he's like, no, that's not the point. Like, you're not even like I.

Your heart's not even for the poor, you're just doing it 'cause you're supposed to.

Gary: Yeah, it is interesting 'cause I don't remember the concept there again, I mean there's people that would be able to challenge me on this. I don't remember. Like, I'm sure there were sermons when I was a kid on like giving, giving and, and, and maybe tithing, but I don't remember it.

And it'd be interesting to know. I mean, I guess I always look at, um, I dunno if it's public, public knowledge, like a budget. At at a, at a church, like at my parents' church, right? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Your, is it public numbers for the numbers? Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, those numbers should be astronomical based on the amount of wealth in the church.

Right. And my assumption is that they're not. And so I always think, Hey, like what? Where are people in their minds on that? And like Marie and I said, I mean, people have [00:23:00] all kinds of weird ways of justifying how they do things. They either do like an annual amount that's in their mind pretty large, and that takes care of it.

Or they would. You know, for me it might be like, well maybe I'll separate my business from my personal, Hey, we don't get paid a lot of personal income, so we just tie it on that and it's, you know, a small amount. Um, I think it's really the reason that, I mean I think Randy does a great job is in that book is because we'll always put ourselves in a spot where we want it.

Like we can literally justify anything. We justify way worse things than not tithing in our life. Way worse sin. So, you know, we'll definitely justify not being generous and. Like, in my heart, that's probably one of my biggest idols is wealth, right? So it's like, it'll be the thing that I'll protect the most and I'll, I'll just duck for cover.

And so it's my personal journey, uh, but I should be allowed, you know, and Marie asks the tough questions 'cause she knows my heart, right? And she's like, Hey, what do you, what do you think about this? Or, or, or she, she asks like, well what, what is the total number? And what does that look like? And I dunno, I think that, um, most of us.

It would come from lack of [00:24:00] trust. For me, it would come from lack of trust. And in the, in the areas where I have been generous, I've been shown again and again how I can trust, and that's been really special. There again, I mean, it's the left hand, right hand thing, right? So, I mean,

Kyle: and I was like, it, it's like we had to continually remember that everything we have is a gift.

And so in that verse, it talks though about later in the first verse I read about how, like who, who makes the plants grow? Who has given, who has given us. We do

Gary: not live that way though. None of us live that way. I know it's,

Kyle: I know it's not, but I think that's important to remember. It's just like, it's not our money in the first place.

He's like, God has asked us to steward it. He, he doesn't ask us to. Like, he say, okay, yeah, give me 10% and the 90% you can use on, you spend on yourself. Now he's like, this is steward it. Like, um, just like all the other gifts, so. Okay. Um, uh, another question. Um, how often should couples have sex?

Gary: Oh, my.

No comment.

Kyle: No comment, no comment. So I asked Nicole before it recorded 'cause I told her we're gonna answer this question today. And then she's like, every [00:25:00] day. And then I'm like, every day. That's what I can say in the podcast. She goes, well, I didn't know it was gonna be the podcast. I'm like, well, what, what can I say?

And she's like, well, frequently. Um, and, and, uh, I think that's a good answer. Um, um, but I

Gary: think it just like you tithe.

Just like your generosity.

Kyle: But I think it, I think it's something that is easy, especially when you have kids and you get older, um, whatever. It's easy, easy to neglect. Um, and I think it is just really healthy for a, a good marriage. And if you're, it's not, you're not having it a lot, it puts you into temp temptation as well.

I. Um, and so I got one verse for that one Corinthians seven, five. Do not deprive each other of sexual, uh, relations unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves to more completely to prayer, which is, that in itself is wild. It's just like, Hey, let's not do it for a while so we can pray more.

Like, when's the last time someone had a conversation like that? And I, it says afterwards, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to temp you because of your lack of self-control.

Gary: I [00:26:00] mean, when you read that, my thought is that most couples should probably pray to get, be way more concerned about how much they pray together rather than how much they have sex.

Kyle: you and Marie pray together a lot.

Gary: Uh, not enough. That's what made me think of it. Okay. How often, uh, really comes and goes? The more we're struggling, the more we pray

Kyle: really

Gary: bad.

Kyle: The more you struggle, the more you pray, the less you pray.

Gary: No, the more we pray we get when we're in rough shape, we'll, we'll pray together for sure.

Yeah. We do it before if we go to bed

Kyle: every night.

Gary: Yeah, that's

Kyle: a great habit. Usually in bed. Um. I'm just like more and more I feel scared If I don't.

Gary: Good for you. If you guys have your phones in your bedroom or not? No. No Phones in the bedroom. Okay. You got a lot of good habits and I still got a lot of problems.

I here.

Kyle: Okay, that's all I had on. I did not

Gary: answer the question. I could go on a monologue about it, right? Well, going a monologue, man. Why not? No, no, no, no. Why

Kyle: not? Okay. Can you explain

Gary: why you don't wanna go on the monologue? Yeah, I can do that. Uh, because I think everybody's in such a different spot. It's very similar to the, like, if you start giving a sermon [00:27:00] about something like that, you better be very prepared and you better cover all the angles and like they gave Dave Curry on and yeah, somebody really wise that's dealing with this stuff all the time.

But like, first of all, like even the verse you read is completely manipulated by. For sure. Christian men, maybe Christian women too, but for sure Christian men. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. So be scared to read like

Kyle: for like forcing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just

Gary: like, and the thing is, and my, I've been convicted of this 'cause I've often, you know, never given my wife the attention she deserves or pour into her emotionally and then have some type of expectations in other ways.

And it's total bs like, and I would say that a lot of men fall. I'm probably not the only guy that falls in that camp. Right. And so I think that, um. You know, I want to be a good husband and I should be way more concerned about meeting all my wife's needs before mine are met because that would be being Christlike.

And literally like this is the verse I say to guys when they're ranting at me about stuff like this, I would say there's a command for you and it's to be like, be like Christ. And he literally as a perfect [00:28:00] man, got on the cross and died. So, have you done that, right? Yeah. Have you done that? Yeah. And it's like most men haven't, like most men are just, and whatever.

It's human nature. I get it. Yeah. Like we're all in the human being too, right? Yeah. So, and there again, it's not even, I don't even like saying that because sometimes it's a guy that doesn't wanna have any sex and the woman does. So it's, I mean, those are, like I say, you can quickly just paint yourself into a corner of, Hey, you're, you're.

You know, there's people that are literally being abused in their marriage. There's PE and you know, there's other people that are just not meeting their spouse's needs and should be and they need to be convicted. So like it's all the cabs all over the place. And I just feel like, yeah, you get into these, I think it's a situation where if somebody is really feeling like their needs aren't met, they should be insisting that they go to marriage counseling and get help, right.

Or meeting with their pastor, meeting with whoever, like, you know, or another couple, like everybody struggles in some way. Marie's really good at acknowledging that too in our life where it's like. I'm not the only one that issues, yeah. I think

Kyle: for, for me, like the wounds of my past growing up and, and, uh.

And just not being able to connect and being fear, desperate fear of [00:29:00] connection. Um, and, and for Nicole had her own stuff as well. It, it's, it was something that, um, I think we were also taught really badly about, um, like sex in general. Like it was just likes a little

Gary: communication. Yeah. So little And Matt, it was just from the era we're in, right.

From the generation

Kyle: We're that too. Yeah. And it's not just reform circles, it's, it's even evangelical circles. And there's a book that me and Nicole are reading together. So we read one chapter. Yeah. A couple pages a day. Um. I haven't done a lot of it lately, but, uh, called the Great Sex Rescue, um, by Sheila Ray George.

Yeah. Um, but the lies you've been taught and how to recover from what God intended, and so if you're interested in, in, uh, in learning about that, it's a, it's a really, really good book. And they've actually, um, done a whole bunch of research on all the other books the previous 20 years that Evangelicals have put out on sex.

Okay. And, and, and, uh, how a lot of those things have been, a lot of things have been taught wrong and their, and their reasons for it, and they had huge. Poll done did huge polls on the reasons why people weren't and. And so, yeah, it's a, it's a really, really, really good [00:30:00] book. Dave Curry recommended it to me and

Gary: yeah.

Yeah, so I mean, one of the other things I would say, the reasons that it's important to talk about it is 'cause that our culture's just completely filled with it, and people secretly are obsessed with it. So it's like, well, you have this whole, that, that is weird. You're right. It's bizarre, right? Like, people, this, we don't talk about it, but it's, it's everywhere, right?

And it's like, no, it's this whole hidden thing where people live in secret and like, I've experienced it now for personally myself struggling and then watching other people, and it's like. Like, but it's like so awkward to talk. It's like, no, like you have all these weird things going on in your own private life.

Why would we not be talking about, we're also,

Kyle: we're all seeking money, sex and power. And no one wants to talk about money, sex and power.

Gary: For sure. Not sex. The power and money maybe, but yeah. Yeah. I, I mean, the other thing I always think of too, 'cause it's like everybody's in a different season of life, right?

But it, it needs to be talked about as a couple in a healthy way. And there again, it's back to my old, uh, plugging the marriage meeting, but like, that's where. If we have conversations about it, it ha happens in a healthy way where it's like not at the [00:31:00] worst possible moment, which is typically what happens when a marriage, often if you don't have structured times to talk about

Kyle: things.

When, when me and Nicole were really going through the ringer, um, Curry, Dave Curry gave us a, a little sheet, um, that we had to answer every day. It was like five questions we both had to answer every single day. Um, and it just, it was really pushing, not, not sex necessarily, but um, emotional connection.

Because of, of how important that is, um, um, for healthy sex and that it's not just a, a just an act, physical act, but it's, it's much more than that. I feel like we need to go stop now off. Yeah. Anyways, that's, are we gonna

Gary: end on that

Kyle: note? Okay. That's what, that's where we're gonna

Gary: end. End on a high note.

Kyle: Yeah. Okay. Thanks for listening, guys. I appreciate it. If you have any, uh. Comments about today's episode, uh, or anything else, feel free to, um, comment those down below. Love, love the feedback or send 'em in@furiouslycurious.co. That's my, uh, coaching website, but I have a little, um, on my feedback form there.

You can send things in anonymously as well. Uh, is it actually anonymous? [00:32:00] Yes. I do not see it.

Gary: Do we have people send stuff in on there? I have not any I Does it say right in there? This is an anonymous Yes. Okay. Yeah. Give them

Kyle: the option.

Gary: They have to really trust you. Yeah. That's all you can do. People don't, right?

People don't trust whatever. I just wanted to option. I don't trust anybody

Kyle: paranoid. Anyways, so yeah, if he, if you have, uh, feedback, send that in, uh, like, share, comment, subscribe. Appreciate it. Till next time.

‍

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